I feel so fake for putting a fake front.. all the happiness, god forgive me

Sometimes disappearing is the only option to prevent feeling like you're a pest in someone's life.

I can't fucking sleep my eyes off.

There are days where I feel like I'm breathing because I have to.

I am weaker but somehow I am showing otherwise. The weight gain is the most annoying out of all, damn medications. Goes along the lines of "unable to wash off dirty stuff....causes you to bloat...body fluids.." and shit.

I thought all sick people will go skeletal? No? Oh well....

If you happened to stumble upon this blog, today, the exact same day I'm posting this entry, you're lucky. 

Reason is, I was about to delete the whole entire last living inch of this URL, I went through the trouble of deleting the old entries, contemplating whether I should still blog, because truth is, blogging died a long time ago, well, for me at least. 

And then I couldn't find the time to let out my feelings, so I went back and forth with Blogger, signing in and out, posting entries here and there. Or rather simply put it this way, I love the sound of fingers hitting those letters on the keyboard, its like music. It's like you're in school and the sound of unzipping your pencil case and digging through all your pens and pencils and there's this sound it makes, heaven. Its like you're in art class and your teacher instruct you to whip out your scissors and start cutting patterns and shapes, and everyone else is doing it all at once, that cutting sound, heaven. I could go on, really, about sound and music or whatever is going towards weird, but nah, you would probably "X" my window by now. 

My life is back on track, when you talk about life, it is always shitty. It doesn't really matter if you're 10 years older than me or 20 years older, our lives varies. You could be a 45 year old guy without any life experience because you're rich, luxury cars and bitches waiting to hump on you, and your life could go on that way forever, if you choose to. OR you could be a 25 year old guy learning life the hard way by struggling through college doing part-time jobs every weekend, saving money for at least a motorcycle, and finding true love.

You can never tell someone life is hard for you because nobody cares, really. Because nobody can understand your situation, nobody except yourself. Its a test, to whether you're willing to learn from it. 

I did. At a point, and yea, shitty as it is, I am changed. 

At the age of 24.8 years of life, I went through friendship, love, family, money, career troubles. And fuck, humans are devils in disguise. 

Do what's worth for yourself.

Even when there are days where the moon begs you to kill yourself.